Be Who You Are and Be That Well.
Dear Friends,
It is with a heavy heart that I inform you that Father Richard R. DeLillio, OSFS died on Saturday May 3rd, 2025. He was 86 years old. He went to sleep on Friday night and died in his sleep. A graceful way to die for a man and a priest who led a grace filled life. As was fitting to who he was, he went to his beloved Nativity Prep by Uber on Friday because, as he said, “I have work to do.”
My name is Stephen Connor. I have edited Fr. DeLillio’s blog for many years. But, more importantly, I have been Dick’s friend for over 50 years. With sadness, I share below the reflection/homily I gave at his funeral on Thursday May 8th.
Below the post, there are 2 links: one is for YouTube where you can view Father’s Mass of Resurrection. The other is his obituary.
May his memory be a blessing.
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Jesus said in John’s Gospel:
“I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly.”
That line spoken by Jesus sums up beautifully the life of Father Richard DeLillio, an Oblate of St. Francis De Sales. Dick was a person who exuded a zest for life, an enthusiasm for living that filled any room he walked into. People gravitated to him because they wanted his energy and his enthusiasm for themselves. And he didn’t hold on to it. He wanted to share with others, and he gave it freely. Many here today were gifted with his enthusiasm, energy, and his zeal for living. And if he faced a setback he would say, “I’ll figure it out.” Well, except when he was driving. Dick liked to use, shall I say, “colorful language” when he was driving.
He lived his priesthood with that same zeal and love for life and God. A professed Oblate for 67 years, and a priest for 58 years, he gave himself in service to the order he loved, the Oblates of St. Francis De Sales. His career is like a beautiful jigsaw puzzle going from a high school teacher to Director of Vocations, to formation, earning his Doctorate, teaching at Catholic University, to Director of Development for the Oblates, and most recently, his ministry for Nativity Prep. Fr. D gave his all to his ministries, but his work at Nativity Prep was the crown jewel of his life’s work. He called me last week, twice, because he forgot he had already called me, so excited because they found someone from the first graduating class at Nativity. At the “Ignite the Night Gala” for Nativity on April 5, Fr. D. was honored for his dedication and ministry to Nativity. Standing on the stage listening to the praises about him, he kept his head down embarrassed by the attention. When he spoke, he choked up with the tears of a man who, as he would put it, “…was only doing what I love.” Later he told me that he was also thinking how proud his mother would be.
I have known Dick since January 1974. I was a mixed up 18-year-old trying to figure out whether I had a call to the priesthood. He listened to me, not seeing me as that mixed up kid, but as someone discerning a call. He supported and encouraged me that day. And then that evening, I watched him get on a donkey in the gymnasium at Salesianum High School to play donkey basketball. From counseling someone to donkey basketball that sure sounds so much like Dick. There seemed to be nothing he wouldn’t try from learning to ski in his fifties and continuing into his late 70’s, to whitewater rafting, jewelry making, and the list goes on and on.
One of his shortest ministries, was being the pastor of Holy Infant parish in North Carolina. Being a pastor didn’t quite work out, but it was during that time he met the Edwards family from Australia. His relationship with Paul and Sue and their children is deep and loving. Fr. Dick has married, baptized, traveled, and even lived with the Edwards so many times over the years, it appeared he was in Sydney more than here. In tribute to this deep and loving bond, 2 members of the Edwards’ family, Sarah, who flew in from Sydney, and Luke, who flew in from Tokyo, are here today.
In the early 1980’s when Fr. Dick was at Catholic University, he shared a house with me, a teacher at Georgetown Visitation Girls High School and Joe Woytash, a law school student and former border at De Sales Hall. Joe eventually brought his girlfriend, now wife, Melanie, around. The house broke up after three years and we went on with our lives. We reconnected a few years after that and became the absolute best of friends. The four of us traveled the world, supporting and loving each other for all these years. Dick was the center of our group planning our next adventure and inspiring us to be more than we thought we could be.
I have known Dick for over 50 years. In that time, through the highways and by-ways I have traveled, he was always there to listen, to laugh, to encourage, and support, and of course, tease. My life took me from being an Oblate novice, to a priest and member of the Paulist Fathers for over 20 years, and now a married gay Episcopal priest. Dick never judged. He was there supporting me through it all. His faithfulness and love helped me to see the joy, the humor, and the grace of God through it all. He showed me what it means to be a man, what it means to be a priest, and how to live this abundant life that Jesus has given us.
Last week, Dick was lamenting to me what he couldn’t do anymore. I reminded him that he has done all that he ever wanted to do and more. He traveled the world, earned a doctorate, and published. He has written his blog, “A Moment from DeSales,” for over 15 years. It reaches over 300 people each week. When I finished listing his accomplishments there was a moment of silence. And then he said, “And, I have known love.”
Fr. Dick spread the beauty of Salesian spirituality around the world through his blog and his travels. In the last few years, many of his posts were about the promise of eternal life. And so, we come here to gently pray him into his next adventure. And how fitting we do this at St. Anthony of Padua Church in Wilmington Delaware where Dick was baptized, received his First Communion, Confirmed, and Ordained a priest.
Father Dick often used this quote from St. Francis De Sales: “Be who you are and be that well.”
My dear, dear friend, Dick, you gave us who you are, all of you, and you lived it so very well. And now, rest. Rest in the embrace of the God who cherishes you. As Simeon prayed in Luke’s Gospel,
Lord, you now have set your servant free
To go in peace as you have promised;
For these eyes of mine have seen the Savior,
Whom you have prepared for all the world to see:
A light to enlighten the nations,
And the glory of your people Israel.
Amen.
